This common inner emotional mess, having the emotional wounds from the early period, non satisfied primary needs, poor capacity of self-regulation…they make us unpleasant towards others as they make us feel bad about ourselves remaining easily excitable, short-tempered or emotionaly frozen. Our perception is that others are guilty for the way we feel, not realizing that this is our responsibility. This is like having a big wound on our shoulder and we aren’t aware of it. We only do know that when someone try to hug us, we get the urge to punch that person down momentarily. From our perspective, this is the other’s fault because it hurts, but the reality is that the wound is ours and the only thing we can do is to heal it in order to function normally with others.
The Personal Development is dedicated exactly to this end, but the journey is neither child’s play neither painless. We need to open and recognize our wounds, understand when and how did they appear, finish inner blocked emotional processes and slowly by working through emotions and primary needs we grow, changing our inner world and remodeling our opinions, self-perception as of the world itself. Becomes what it was supposed to be if there weren’t any trauma and in case we have had the conditions for one complete formation and maturation.
Insufficient reception of necessary attachment conditions and / or primary needs in the critical period of a child’s development result in insufficient realization of a full person’s potential for a self-regulation, which leads to painful emotional statuses tendency, especially in cases of emotional break ups or rejections.
Besides the overwhelming feeling of rage or sorrow, many are found in the position of a victim of the fear itself that is urging out uncontrolled, leading by some to panic attacks, and by others manifesting as “just a feeling” of anxiety that is easily activated when the life situation comes deteriorated.